with Guest Blogger | Kristie Franks
“I had a notebook with a hundred seemingly random thoughts, ideas, and emotions scribbled down and slowly my hesitation about writing “the letter” turned into anticipation. “Kristie Frank, Hopeful Adoptive Mom
Writing “THE LETTER” is the hardest things we ask families to do. What do you say and how do say it all? I wish there was a simple answer, but there isn’t. It’s weighty, and it should be.
I’ve said this before, but I want to say it again.
There are a lot times – because I’m in this world of adoption every day, surrounded by so many of the messy details and the heartache and the varying voices and the obvious corruption – that I wonder if it’s worth it. I wonder if this thing – adoption – is still “good”.
But then another letter shows up in my inbox.
A few weeks ago, Kelly shared her heart of what went into writing their letter to an expectant mama. And today, Kristie is sharing hers. What an honor to glimpse into the raw and vulnerable places of her heart, to see her deep emotions and pure desires, to witness another woman – another family – who so longs to love not only a baby but also his or her first mama.
I put off writing “the letter” for a long time. I procrastinated and stayed busy (which isn’t hard to do with three young children). I knew the words would come at the right time and when I allowed them to, but it took me a while to let myself “go there” emotionally, to acknowledge the brokenness that coincides with the beauty, the sorrow with the joy.
There were several times I tried to write and got nowhere, but little by little I felt it welling up inside of me; it came in bits, in prayer, in a lyric from a worship song, in a blog post, in a verse from Scripture. I had a notebook with a hundred seemingly random thoughts, ideas, and emotions scribbled down and slowly my hesitation about writing “the letter” turned into anticipation.
As I looked over all that the Lord had given me in the weeks prior I wrote down three words that I wanted to really be the “theme” of our letter; I wanted these three words to underscore the entire thing: Her, Reconciliation, and Providence.
We have three, beautiful, healthy children; we have one of each gender, and Lord willing we have the ability to have more; in the context of this journey that made me really uncomfortable. I unknowingly began to believe the lie that adoption is primarily for people who struggle with infertility, and that isn’t our story, so why adopt?
The answer to that question kept me from writing “the letter” for quite a while. But, one morning the Lord very clearly gave me our “why,” and it overwhelmed me. It was one word.
It was HER.
The Lord so clearly impressed upon my spirit, “It isn’t about YOU; it’s about HER.” It isn’t about what we want our family to look like; how many kids we want, how many boys, how many girls, how close in age, etc. etc. etc. This is about being the hands and feet of Jesus, showing His love to a woman who feels like she is hidden, forgotten, broken, defenseless; this is about ministering the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He wants her to know that she is a child of God (1 John 3:1); precious, honored and loved (Isaiah 43:4); valuable (Luke 12:7), fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), chosen (1 Peter 2:9), and that He rejoices over her with gladness (Zephaniah 3:17).
A song that has meant so much to us, especially early on in our journey, is Lauren Daigle’s song Rescue; in it, it says, “You are not hidden; there’s never been a moment you were forgotten. You are not hopeless, though you have been broken, your innocence stolen. I hear you whisper underneath your breath; I hear your SOS, your SOS. I will send out an army to find you in the middle of the darkest night it’s true, I will rescue you. Please hear me say, we are NOT rescuers, but our “why” is shepherding her heart to the only one who is.
Degree of openness in an adoption was never something we struggled with when adoption was all about us; it would be closed. However, as the Lord began to work on our hearts about loving HER, He also changed our minds about openness.
Jesus came to reconcile the lost. 2 Corinthians 5:18 says, “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.” The message of reconciliation has been committed to us, and we are to be Christ’s ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:20) First and foremost, it is our prayer that by showing her the love of Christ and speaking His truth into her life at every opportunity that she will be reconciled to the Father and her eternal future secured in Him.
Secondly, we would like to facilitate reconciliation between her and her child in any way that we can. Obviously, what that looks like will depend on her wishes, and we will always respect those, but It is our heart that there not be estrangement between the two of them. This child will be a wonderful, beautiful culmination of all of us!
- God’s Providence
In the Bible, in Psalm 139:16 it says “You saw me before I was born. All the days ordained for me were recorded in your book before one of them came to be.” Since the beginning of time, God has woven His plans and purposes through the lives and events of history. Our lives are a sacred story of providence and our God is a Master Weaver. God is always working and nothing escapes His reach; even the things that don’t happen the way we had planned or turn out the way we had hoped, He is always there weaving, intertwining the pain with the pleasures, the good with the bad, until a beautiful design emerges that is for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28). Corrie Ten Boom wrote this poem called The Weaving:
My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.
Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.
Not ’til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.
If she chooses us to parent her child, we will be forever grateful to her, and we will forever live in awe of the providence of God who chose us to have a front row seat to this story….her story, this child’s story, OUR story. To God be the glory!
Kristie is kind, thoughtful, and intentional. She seeks the Truth, loves her kids, and is an incredible encourager to all. She loves a good to-do list or packing list and is the type of person that will write something in just so that she can scratch it off. Her idea of a perfect day is a day with nothing to do…a pajama day! No schedule, no to-do list, nowhere to be…just cuddles and play and crafts and t.v. time. Because she’s a stay-at-home mom, she gets these days every now and then and is learning to soak it all in! She loves the Lord and cannot wait to continue watching as His plan for their family continues to unfold.